another month has gone by, i’m still miserable, and mistreated. i can’t leave because i’m afraid of what i’ll find. and by that i mean what i won’t find. i still just need someone. today i thought about adam for the first time in a while. i really do miss him, it’s kinda ridiculous how much actually. he was always the one i could turn to with anything&everything. but now he’s not here anymore. i would give anything to get that back. well now that i’m a complete mess i’m done here.
yours truly,
8/12/2010
9
So i haven’t done this in a month. Nothing has changed. I hate my life. I’m trying to change that i really am but it’s not that easy. I need to know that I matter to someone. I want to make a difference in someone’s life, isn’t that what life is all about? I just don’t think i matter, and no one seems to prove me wrong. I just need to matter. I need to find a purpose to my life. I just don’t want to get selfish.
yours truly,
7/10/2010
8
p.s. tbs-you’re so last summer
^^that song gets me through this shit^^
tomorrow is the last day of my junior year, it’s made me realize how little of an importance i serve in my school. or anywhere else. this also means tomorrow is prom, and i’m scared. i just need to feel safe. i want a boyfriend. i’m just going to cry all day tomorrow. fuck my life. asdfghjkl;
yours truly,
6/10/2010
7
i just want to be good enough. i’m fucking stupid enough to believe sometimes maybe i am but you always find a way to prove me wrong. i need to find something to make me happy. this shit isn’t working out anymore.
yours truly,
6/8/2010
6
i had major breakthroughs at work today. i realized i’ve been looking for the wrong things all along. i can’t replace you, either of you. i just need something different so i won’t need to compare you to everyone i meet. i also realized i don’t want the past back, i need you, but not how i did before. i think this is the best thing for me. if everything goes well my life will be perfect. i just need to remember no expectations. no disappointments. why do i have so much issues with that? i know what i want. i just can’t seem to get it. my self confidence has at very least quadrupled this week. i’m happy. this scares me. i just need to have some fun.
yours truly,
6/2/2010
5
i didn’t want to get my hopes up, but i did thanks to you. and i sure as hell never wanted to feel like this but here i am. i was so happy. now i’m miserable. thanks. ifuckinghatepeople.
yours truly,
5/26/2010
4
so today i figured out the answers to questions i didn’t even want to know. it sucks. i’m so horribly depressed and i’ve lost all control. i wish i could control it but i can’t. i want someone to be there for me through everything, or even anything but i guess that’s too much to ask for. anyways, i learned why i hate being in large groups of people, it’s because i can’t be myself. i get so insecure when i feel like im a just an add in. i need to fix myself. because i absouluytely despise everything i am. and the other reason i’m so depressed is because i miss so much. i don’t even know how this all happened but it’s out of control. i need you now more than ever. okay. i guess i’m done. fuckmylife.
yours truly,
5/23/2010
3
why do i always have to be there for you? you were never as good to me as i was to you. you treat me like shit and always expect me to be there. well it’s bullshit but apparently i enjoy being treated like shit because i’m still here. i fucking hate this.
yours truly,
5/22/2010
2
this blog will be where i vent. i won’t hold back. this is my first post.
yours truly,
5/21/2010
1
